One Crime Every Woman Commits II
Women! So, what about them? I am sure "we" have too much to say about them. Yes, we, the observers, writers of their sins. The list of crimes they commit is huge, revealing. It contains light and serious crimes capable of stunning sights, appalling auditory canals, blowing brains, hitting hearts, knocking mouths over with feather, petrifying and exorcising ignorance, stimulating athletic thoughts and engaging them in simultaneous or consecutive races to destinations where they are transformed into rigid views, opinions, beliefs about women; hence, a mere insinuation that there is one crime they commit sounds as an headline that may have something new under the sun to offer us.
Bukola, it is disappointing that you have only made us smell the inviting aroma of what is baking in the oven that our minds can hardly imagine; you have abducted, hidden and abandoned us in wonderland, caused us to continue playing the guessing game in that blank, boring, frustrating part of the globe, to keep hoping you'll be kind enough to let the cat out of the bag one day, when we shall be liberated, happy possessors of something good for sales to every willing buyer of women's crimes... We are not surprised; you are a woman, one of them.
Bukola, the truth is bitter, but it must be told... You are a subtle, wicked writer. You are a slave driver, too. Yes! You are guilty of suspense abuse and have caused our blood pressure to rise and remain high. Therefore, we propose and you must accept a necessity for you to apologise for the inconveniences we have suffered, otherwise we will add "subtlety and wickedness" to our list of women's crimes.
Are you afraid of what your fellows will say, how badly they can react if you tell us this one crime you all commit? If yes, you are just being afraid of nothing. All women's threats are empty. Oh! Wait! Did we say the threats issued by these generations of women, whose records of "crimes" are soaring are barren? It is a topic for another day. Meanwhile, we have an unpleasant message for you. If fear is the reason why you have become deafeningly quiet about this one crime, we will add "timidity" to the intimidating list of women's crimes. Of course, all women are timid and it is a crime to be.
Meanwhile, we know it is possible to take a horse to water, but sure we cannot make it drink. We have accepted our fate, yet, we simply feel it is unfair on us to languish in a prolonged perplexity without having a clue when it will end.
Dear Bukola, we are sick and tired of waiting for you to tell us the crime. Your calm has become the source of our emotional turbulence. Consider the fact that one more publication by you that fails to tell us about the crime every woman commits will only aggravate our sickness and tiredness, repent from your sinful quietness, develop a manly disposition, defy your toothless fear and spill the beans.
You know what we want; tell us that offence every woman commits, tell us soon. You started it, you must finish it. Period!
Writer: Bukola Olafenwa.
College: Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-ife, Nigeria.
Email: bukolaolafenwa@gmail.com
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